Why are some people more resilient?

Human behavior is complex. A person's ability to manage and overcome stress, adversity, and trauma is complicated. In general, we learn to manage stress and develop resilience in small tolerable doses.

Resilience results from the interaction between adverse experiences and protective factors.

Adverse experiences include (but are not limited to):

• Experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect
• Witnessing violence in the home or community
• Having a family member attempt or die by suicide
• Growing up in a household with substance abuse or mental health problems, food or housing scarcity, fear of deportation, or family instability due to parental separation or incarceration

Protective Factors (not an exhaustive list):

• Safe, consistent, nurturing caregiving
• Positive friendships and family interactions
• Doing well in school or work
• Steady employment
• Communities with resources such as parks and supportive services
• Access to medical and mental health services
• Access to family-friendly employment
• Safe communities with strong partnerships with businesses where community members feel connected to each other

Effectively dealing with stress helps us build our own capacity to manage stress. Some people struggle because they have not had a lot of stress to manage (either because of a pretty healthy life or because they’ve been rescued). That is their reality. Some people get really good at managing it because they’ve had so much to manage, and some people are unable to successfully manage stress because the amount or intensity of the stress EXCEEDS THEIR CAPACITY: there might be too much or never ending stress, or they don’t have the resources to aid their stress levels.

If you find yourself becoming critical of another person’s ability to manage stress, first ask yourself “What is this stirring up in me?” and take care of yourself first. Then, if you have some compassion or emotional bandwidth available, ask how you can support this person in their struggle, without shame or blame.