How do I learn to do hard things?

You may have heard some variation of “finding comfort in the discomfort” as something you should strive for. In the context of stress, this is how we build capacity. Sometimes this involves setting boundaries and having difficult conversations, and sometimes it also includes doing hard things - as my yoga teacher says, “finding your edge.”

Your edge is not fixed. What you’ll notice as you find your edge is that it’s dynamic. Over time, you will likely extend it out, building your capacity to tolerate more challenges. And you will likely also notice that some days your edge is a fraction of what it used to be, giving you insight that maybe nurturing yourself a bit more is indicated.

The more you practice “finding your edge” in different areas of your life, the more you will generalize the skill, meaning you will be able to use it across contexts.

It may require you to layer on additional tools, such as breathing, a grounding technique, focusing your gaze, or tuning into your senses. This is part of how you learn to “lean into discomfort" - by actually leaning in.

Sometimes though, rather than leaning in, it will be more of the “leap of faith” variety, taking the ability to push through a physical challenge and extending it out - using what you have learned to help you move through an emotional challenge. While it’s not exactly the same, you may notice some similar tendencies (such as the voice of an inner critic, the desire to stop, muscling your way through, etc.) - and you can draw from those past experiences, using what you have learned, in the present moment.

These teachings are not exclusive to yoga. You can (and hopefully do) draw from the lessons that are present in your daily life. So keep challenging yourself, and do this mindfully: notice the feelings that surface, where your mind goes, tune in to sensations in the body, and observe your own behavior.